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Please Be Careful With My Heart
Title: Please Be Careful With My HeartAuthor: Kimmy
URL: http://www.winglin.net/
Requested at: Sweet Lemon
Reviewed by: ilee
1. Titles: 5/5
I liked the title. I think it's really sweet and it fits the story.
2. Poster/Background: 5/5
The poster is just beautiful! That was my first thought when I saw it ^^ It's cheery and bright, and the pictures used are great also. The color is a very good choice. Everything about it fits together and it's just great. Same goes for the background of course, since it's almost like the poser haha
3. Foreword: 7/10
First word that came into my mind when I read the foreword was, overwhelming. I was extremely overwhelmed by all the information in the foreword. There were so many characters and so many things about the characters. It all became a blur after a while. Try to work with less characters. I know you want to use all these characters because they're in the MG and all, but it's really a lot to handle. Less characters means more character development in each character because your focus isn't so separated. I haven't watched MG too, so it was even harder to follow. But I don't think that's too much of a problem because most of the people reading your story would be MG fans. I also thought a lot of the things you mentioned in the foreword could have been mentioned as you wrote the story. It was hard to remember the essential details of the story with all the minor stuff there at the same time. However, I did like the fact that you added some pondering questions and a little summary of what the story was going to be about. And despite the blur, it was good that you prepped the readers for what you were going to give them.
4. Plot: 9/15
The plot was okay. As of now I don't see anything that really makes it stand out from the rest. It does have a cute love story developing though.
5. Creativity/Originality: 8/15
I deducted a lot of points because a lot of the things in the story are from MG. I haven't watched MG specifically, but I have watched Boys Over Flowers and Hana Yori Dango, which come from the same basic plot. But I didn't deduct all points because I know this is your first story and most first-time writers' stories come from drama plots. Also I see a hint of yourself in what you write so it's not all MG. I'm sure as you keep writing you will learn what your signature is as a writer.
6. Writing Style: 7/10
The story was a little hard to read because the way you wrote it made it kind of choppy. There wasn't a lot to make the story flow smoothly. However, I think you expressed the characters' feelings through what they said well. I think you just need more description in order to develop the characters and show the readers who the characters really are outside of what they say. Side note: Since Shancai's POV's are so short, they'll fit perfectly into the regular third person POV you have for the rest of the story. Since you are doing third person, keeping everything in third person will keep the story more organized since Shancai's POV's are short anyways.
7. Flow: 8/10
The flow was fast, especially the first chapter. I guess you were too excited about getting to the juicy parts of the story lol. Things just kind of happened, like Shancai getting into the school, Dao Ming Si having a special liking for Shancai, and so on. But once you hit the inner parts of the story, the flow did slow down a little bit. So I think the story was mostly rushed to get to the most interesting parts that you already had in mind.
8. Grammar/Spelling/Vocab: 9/10
The spelling and vocabulary was overall pretty good. As for the grammar, you often switched tenses a lot, bouncing from present to past. There were often some incorrect or missing punctuation and some sentences were kind of choppy. I wasn't quite sure about how to grade you on how you purposely used words like "okei" instead of "okay" or "becoz" instead of "because. But I think since it's a fanfic, it doesn't matter too much. I mean, it's not an English essay, so I didn't deduct any points for that.
9. Characterization: 10/10
I mentioned before that there were a lot of characters, so throughout the story it was a little difficult to keep track of who was who. Maybe it's because I'm not familiar with Taiwanese names, but I couldn't tell who was a boy and who was a girl lol. (Don't worry I didn't take points off for that XD). But overall, it wasn't too bad because I found that it didn't really matter if I knew who was who. I just thought of all of them as elite students who are involved with F4. Plus, you were pretty good with making sure the main characters were distinguishable.
10. Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
Sorry, I didn't enjoy the story too much.
11. Bonus: 5/5
Five bonus points because I love your enthusiasm and dedication to your writing! ^^ I think what makes the readers enjoy reading the most is the effort writers put into their work.
Total = 75/100
I hope I was not too harsh! Keep in mind that this is only your first story so it won't be perfect. And I hope what I wrote wasn't too long. It's better to have an explanation of your score than just a dry score, right? Continue doing this because I can tell you enjoy it and a lot of people enjoy what you write ^^
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