My Secret About You

Yeah, everybody has a secret
I have one too
Most of my friends know
But what about you?
I can't explain what I'm feeling
Could it be true?
I'm not sure but I think I'm falling for you...
To be honest I think it's quite possible
It's funny how this feeling grew...
I'm falling once again
But this time it's for you...
Tell me you like me
Or at least give me a clue...

I know this feeling
I've felt it before
But that was different
Cause he walked out the door...
I could be losing it
But I'll let the rain pour
Because a day without you
Is like hitting the floor...
All over again
I'll fight this war...

Standing here with you feels so right
But some thing's wrong...
This rhyme is a little off
But I'll sing this song...
It's beautiful
Because it's melody is so lovely but somehow it doesn't belong...
It doesn't have to be perfect
So why don't you sing along?

I'm being honest
I can't believe you broke my shell
Everybody see's it
So I'm like "What the hell?"...
Being around you makes me stupid
Can't you tell?
You funny jerk
Am I going to have to spell
it out so you could see?
I'm telling you I fell
For you...
Do you feel the same as well?

I told you the truth
So now I'll go
Unless you stop me
I'll leave you alone...
Say you feel the same
Cause I don't want another clone...
I like you for you
And I know I don't need a wishbone...

A friend saw you looking today
Just as I thought of this silly rhyme...
It's not perfect but it's good enough
Liking someone is not a crime...
So don't be intimidated
Considering you have plenty of time...
Tell me today... tell me tomorrow
Either way is fine...
I don't mind waiting
Shoot I'll give you extra time...

Another moment is passing by
So I'll give you this
And hopefully I won't kiss
It goodbye...
Knowing me I'll probably dismiss
The event because in all reality
I'm just too much of a sis
To give you this poem...
I'm too intimidated but I can't miss
Another chance to tell you the truth;
I can't waste another minute in this ''What if?'' abyss
Especially without you...

Liking Someone You Can't Have Hurts

"I had to get over [him]. For months now, a stone had been sitting on my heart. I'd shed a lot of tears over [him], lost a lot of sleep, eaten a lot of cake batter. Somehow, I had to move on. [Life] would be hell if I didn't shake loose from the grip he had on my heart. I most definitely didn't want to keep feeling this way, alone in a love affair meant for two. Even if he'd felt like The One. Even if I'd always thought we'd end up together. Even if he still had a choke chain on my heart."

Broken Yet Holding On

This is perfect for Dao Ming Si and Shancai in MG2.

~*Dao Ming Si and Shancai*~
 Yesha and Dao Ming Si



I can see you walkin' out
I'm not tryna believe it
There's no way that this can be for real, I'm dreamin'
I can see the water in your eyes
You don't have to do this
There has got to be a better way, I know it..

Back up the day now
What did I do to get us to, this point
Me losing you, in this moment
I feel it, deep in my chest 
I can't breathe...

I can't let go
Broken yet holding on
To you, to us
This love is too strong for me to let go
Broken yet holding on..

Afraid everything is over now
The rain cloud is passing
Still I'm tryna wonder how I lost you
Are you really over me?
You said so, don't believe it..
You are where I wanna be, I love you

We said we'll never give up
In hard times
When we hit bottom
We'll try to find the broken pieces of love...
(Ooooh)

Dance Under the Eiffel Tower

This will defo happen with college buddies, too bad he is not going.

When Will You Notice Me?

What do I have to do to get you to notice me?
Change my hair, the way I walk.
My clothes, the way I talk.
We've known each other for some time now
yet I'm still invisible to you.
My feelings run deep and how
I wish you only knew.
I see your face every time I close my eyes
To me you just seem so different from the other guys.
To you I'm just a friend Nothing more, nothing less
I settle for friendship in the end
Because I don't want to make a mess.
Instead I'll keep my secret to myself
And take my pride back off the shelf.
Until one day you finally see
That you and I were meant to be.
I'll wait for now but not too long
Because sooner or later I'll be gone.
So when will you notice me?

"Falling"

Falling

I’m falling.

Falling so hard for a guy who doesn’t know I exist.

I claw for anything that will stop me.

Groping the air.

But still I fall.

No one can stop me not even him.

I tried other guys but none of them feel the way

I imagine you do.

Nothing can stop me as I descend farther into loving you.

© Kelsey Shonk

Story Review

From Forewords to Chapter 14

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Please Be Careful With My Heart 

Title: Please Be Careful With My Heart

Author: Kimmy
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Kimmy_F4fanatic/

Requested at: Sweet Lemon
Reviewed by: ilee

1. Titles: 5/5

I liked the title. I think it's really sweet and it fits the story.

2. Poster/Background: 5/5

The poster is just beautiful! That was my first thought when I saw it ^^ It's cheery and bright, and the pictures used are great also. The color is a very good choice. Everything about it fits together and it's just great. Same goes for the background of course, since it's almost like the poser haha

3. Foreword: 7/10

First word that came into my mind when I read the foreword was, overwhelming. I was extremely overwhelmed by all the information in the foreword. There were so many characters and so many things about the characters. It all became a blur after a while. Try to work with less characters. I know you want to use all these characters because they're in the MG and all, but it's really a lot to handle. Less characters means more character development in each character because your focus isn't so separated. I haven't watched MG too, so it was even harder to follow. But I don't think that's too much of a problem because most of the people reading your story would be MG fans. I also thought a lot of the things you mentioned in the foreword could have been mentioned as you wrote the story. It was hard to remember the essential details of the story with all the minor stuff there at the same time. However, I did like the fact that you added some pondering questions and a little summary of what the story was going to be about. And despite the blur, it was good that you prepped the readers for what you were going to give them.

4. Plot: 9/15

The plot was okay. As of now I don't see anything that really makes it stand out from the rest. It does have a cute love story developing though. 

5. Creativity/Originality: 8/15

I deducted a lot of points because a lot of the things in the story are from MG. I haven't watched MG specifically, but I have watched Boys Over Flowers and Hana Yori Dango, which come from the same basic plot. But I didn't deduct all points because I know this is your first story and most first-time writers' stories come from drama plots. Also I see a hint of yourself in what you write so it's not all MG. I'm sure as you keep writing you will learn what your signature is as a writer.

6. Writing Style: 7/10

The story was a little hard to read because the way you wrote it made it kind of choppy. There wasn't a lot to make the story flow smoothly. However, I think you expressed the characters' feelings through what they said well. I think you just need more description in order to develop the characters and show the readers who the characters really are outside of what they say. Side note: Since Shancai's POV's are so short, they'll fit perfectly into the regular third person POV you have for the rest of the story. Since you are doing third person, keeping everything in third person will keep the story more organized since Shancai's POV's are short anyways.

7. Flow: 8/10

The flow was fast, especially the first chapter. I guess you were too excited about getting to the juicy parts of the story lol. Things just kind of happened, like Shancai getting into the school, Dao Ming Si having a special liking for Shancai, and so on. But once you hit the inner parts of the story, the flow did slow down a little bit. So I think the story was mostly rushed to get to the most interesting parts that you already had in mind.

8. Grammar/Spelling/Vocab: 9/10

The spelling and vocabulary was overall pretty good. As for the grammar, you often switched tenses a lot, bouncing from present to past. There were often some incorrect or missing punctuation and some sentences were kind of choppy. I wasn't quite sure about how to grade you on how you purposely used words like "okei" instead of "okay" or "becoz" instead of "because. But I think since it's a fanfic, it doesn't matter too much. I mean, it's not an English essay, so I didn't deduct any points for that.

9. Characterization: 10/10

I mentioned before that there were a lot of characters, so throughout the story it was a little difficult to keep track of who was who. Maybe it's because I'm not familiar with Taiwanese names, but I couldn't tell who was a boy and who was a girl lol. (Don't worry I didn't take points off for that XD). But overall, it wasn't too bad because I found that it didn't really matter if I knew who was who. I just thought of all of them as elite students who are involved with F4. Plus, you were pretty good with making sure the main characters were distinguishable. 

10. Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

Sorry, I didn't enjoy the story too much. 

11.  Bonus: 5/5

Five bonus points because I love your enthusiasm and dedication to your writing! ^^ I think what makes the readers enjoy reading the most is the effort writers put into their work.

Total = 75/100

I hope I was not too harsh! Keep in mind that this is only your first story so it won't be perfect. And I hope what I wrote wasn't too long. It's better to have an explanation of your score than just a dry score, right? Continue doing this because I can tell you enjoy it and a lot of people enjoy what you write ^^

:P

"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone." -Johnny Depp

JaoReeyah Sweet Moment

Arreyah and Jao closed their eyes, leaning against the trunk of their favourite tree, breathing in the last of the long day. They lit up a small bonfire as they work together to lit it up, the glow from it matched the sunset beyond them. Though auttum wasnt their favourite season, they had to admit that there was something speacial about the autum sunset, that the nature has to show. They found themselves watching th

e sunset recently. The way things were going in their lives, they had a calming effect on them and soothed the sanity whick threathned to slip away from them with every passing day.

Then the season cast an orange haze above the horizon, lighting up the sky as if lit by fire, yet the haze was so crisp and clear. The sun like a large gradual orange fireball in the distance was particularly cloaked by the hanging clouds which all splattered with the random colours of hot pink, reds and even hints of purples and blues. The sun was so large that they have felt they could touch it. It seemed to look at them with dull glares knowing its beauty and the planets dependency on it for survival made up for it.

The sun which had it time to shine for the time it was given seemed to whisper "FAREWELL" to the world as it sunk lower and lower in a lazy manner almost as if it never wanted to leave.

But Jao and Areeyah knew they too had to leave soon. They leaned off the tree, walking down the grassy hill and ducking underneath the thick pine branches and towards the royal cabin.

A cool breeze passed, making them stop in the middle of the field, they let the wind tossle their hair as if was almost like a human's touch. It had been a while since they been touch by one another or even shook each-other's hand.

They look at the sun again. The sun was almost as orange as the sky, like a ghost almost. Yet even from behind the trees, it seemed to stare at them;  a silent ball of wonderment that was really raging, ball of hellish fury. The very thing that gave warmth, life , light and happiness to so many could just easily cause utter destruction. That fact reminded of th late king of Yangdon.

Jao and Areeyah closed their eyes once more, the events of the long day going their mind like a reel. The late king always tells them great advice. The sound of the Late King's voice echoed in their mind. By the time they opened their eyes the sun was gone leaving behind a sea of dark. The heavens were beginning to sprinkle little stars about, for it was their time to shine.

 Holding hands while continuing walking-down the royal cabin, they knew that things like the seasons would change and everything would be alright. They knew everyone had their time to shine and knew that someday would be the same for them.